Chasing Theo
by trace619
Summary: My Cabenson take on the opening scene from the Season 18 episode Chasing Theo, as well as the ladies fears and insecurities of being good parents.


**A/N: Yes, yes, I know I have other stories to be focused on but this one just wouldn't leave me alone. This is just my take on how that opening scene from Chasing Theo could've gone. Alex may seem slightly OOC here, but considering the circumstances I think her behavior is appropriate. I promise I am making every effort to update my other stories! Let me know what you think. Enjoy!**

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Alex glanced at the clock on the wall as she paced the room, nervously biting at one of her nails, a habit she hadn't done since law school. As her mind replayed the evening's events she felt sick to her stomach. She could only imagine what Olivia was going to say when she arrived. Alex knew she was being ridiculous but she was already trying to figure out where she could stay for a night or two, almost certain her wife was going to kick her out after what had happened. Hearing familiar footsteps outside in the hall she took a deep breath and prepared herself.

Olivia stepped inside "Alex?" a mixture of fear and concern on her face "What happened?" she quickly walked over to the hospital bed where Noah was watching cartoons. She turned though when she heard Alex break down into tears. Olivia quickly pulled the blonde into her arms "It's okay."

"I'm so sorry Liv!"

Olivia held her close and gently rubbed the blonde's back "Alex, it's okay." She glanced over at Noah who gave his blonde mother an odd look then back to his cartoons. Olivia pulled back and smiled, trying to lighten the mood "Alex, honey, you're crying more than Noah and he's the one in a hospital bed."

At that Alex chuckled and wiped her eyes. "I just…I was so scared."

"I know you were." She led the younger woman over to the bed and took a seat next to Noah, Alex taking a seat at the foot of the bed. "Now, what exactly happened? You were talking so fast on the phone I could barely understand you."

Alex took a deep breath then replayed the events that led them to where they were.

" _Tell Mama night-night." Alex said gently, hoping to eventually get the phone back from the little boy._

" _Night-night Mama. Love you!"_

 _Alex took the phone and grinned "Go play for a few minutes, when Mommy gets off the phone it's bedtime." She watched as Noah ran off then placed the phone next to her ear "You still there?"_

" _Yeah." Olivia laughed. "Sorry I'm gonna be late tonight."_

" _Don't worry about it. I hated to bother you but I wanted to be sure you two were able to tell one another goodnight." It was something they had done since they had been together, and now that they had Noah if one of them was gonna be out past his bedtime they made sure to call and wish him a goodnight._

" _I don't think I should be much longer here, maybe an hour."_

 _Alex grinned as she watched Noah run by with one of the little plastic totes some of his toys were kept in, singing a made up song as he did so. She continued around the living room picking up toys and straightening as she went, all while continuing the conversation with Olivia._

" _Mommy, Mommy look!"_

 _Alex froze when she turned to see Noah standing on the counter reaching for the cookie jar on the refrigerator. "Liv, I gotta go." She hung up and tossed the phone on the couch "Noah, don't move!" she raced to the kitchen, feeling as if it were taking forever to cover the short distance._

"' _s okay Mommy, I get down!" he crouched down to climb off the counter when he lost his balance and fell forward._

" _Noah!" Alex yelled as she stepped into the kitchen, cringing as her little boy hit the floor with a thud._

" _Mommy!" Noah wailed at the top of his lungs._

 _Alex bent to pick him up but was scared if he was injured she'd make it worse. She dropped to her knees next to him and gently pulled him into her arms "Oh God! Baby, are you okay?"_

 _Noah continued to cry and buried his head against her chest._

 _Alex tried to look him over, almost afraid to move him any more than she had. "Noah, are you hurt?"_

 _The little boy continued to cry "I has an owie!" tears streaming down his face._

 _Alex put Noah's coat on him and grabbed her own along with her phone and raced out the door. Noah was still crying when her phone rang as they boarded the elevator. "Hello?"_

" _Alex?" Olivia was slightly panicked after calling their home phone and not receiving an answer. "What's wrong?"_

" _I'm taking Noah to the ER."_

" _What? Why?"_

 _Alex stepped onto the sidewalk and hailed a cab "He fell off the kitchen counter. I gotta go Liv. Just meet us there."_

Olivia glanced at their son who was focused on the television "Sweetheart, what were you doing standing on the counter?"

Noah looked over "I get another cookie." As if it was the most obvious answer in the world.

Neither woman could help grinning at his logic. "Well, that's fine, but next time ask me or Mommy for a cookie. It's too dangerous to climb on the counters. Okay?"

"Okay, Mama."

A knock at the door pulled their attention from their son. "Hello ladies, I'm Dr. Weir." The older woman appeared to be in her mid-fifties and had a kind smile. They exchanged greetings, then Alex explained how they had ended up there as the doctor checked Noah over.

"He's fine." Dr. Weir said as she lightly ran her hand over Noah's head.

"Are you sure?" Alex nervously asked. "I mean he hit hard." Tears filled her eyes again as she remembered the sound of him hitting the floor.

The older woman chuckled "Kids are pretty resilient. Not to mention, they bounce back better than we do."

"I know, but what about his head? I don't think he hit it but I can't be sure." She shook her head and felt Olivia slip an arm around her waist "It all just happened so fast."

"I believe he's just fine. I don't see any signs of bruises or knots, plus his vision appears to be fine as well." She took a moment to allow it to sink in, knowing how protective and nervous parents could be "I could run a CT on him, but medically I think it's unnecessary."

Alex looked to Olivia, she could see worry in the brunette's eyes but when Olivia nodded she knew the doctor was right.

"Just keep an eye on him, if he's acting out of the ordinary or appears to be sluggish then bring him back." She signed off on Noah's chart then looked back to both women, giving them a gentle smile "It's just…I don't want to say 'boys will be boys', but kids will be kids. And unfortunately little boys tend to disregard risks more than girls do." she chuckled as both women looked to one another and groaned at the thoughts of future stunts, injuries and trips to the ER "Ladies, I have two sons of my own, all I'm saying is be prepared. I think I spent as much time in the ER as a mother as I did a doctor."

"Okay little man, it's well past your bedtime." Olivia said to a sleepy Noah as they entered their apartment.

Alex hung back as her wife changed the little boy into another pair of pajamas, neither wanting him to sleep in the same ones he'd been in the hospital in. She stood at his bedroom door as Olivia tucked him in, his eyes too heavy to even wait for a story.

Noah looked to his door and held his arms in the air "Hug Mommy."

Alex walked in and smiled as she leaned down and Noah wrapped his arms around her neck. She took a deep breath, inhaling his shampoo and soap from his earlier bath as she tried not to cry. "Goodnight sweetheart. Mommy loves you so much."

"Love you Mommy."

After saying her goodnights Olivia waited on the edge of Noah's bed till he was asleep then followed her wife out of the bedroom. She watched as Alex quietly finished the straightening up she'd started earlier. "You okay?" she leaned against the wall and waited for an answer.

"Yeah."

Alex's back was still turned but Olivia could see her shoulders tremble. She walked over and placed a hand on the blonde's shoulder. "Alex, he's fine."

At that she broke down and turned into Olivia's embrace "Oh God Liv, it was so awful! I was so scared!" she cried for a moment then finally pulled back, wiping her eyes as she did so. "I'm so sorry Olivia, I'm so sorry. I only turned my back for a minute!"

"Hey, hey, it's okay." Olivia pulled Alex into her arms again and held her as she cried. "It's not your fault."

"You don't blame me?"

Olivia looked shocked but then realized she might feel the same way if the situation were reversed. "No Alex, no. I would never blame you for something like this." she guided them to the couch before continuing "Did you blame me that day I lost him for a few minutes at the park?"

"Of course not."

"See. We're still learning Alex. And he's learning too." She grinned slightly "Just like he learned tonight that he can't climb on the counters."

Alex didn't want to laugh at her son's misfortune but she had to smile at his creativeness at finding a way to get another cookie. "He wanted another cookie so badly. I let him have one for a snack and he just went on and on how good it was. I guess he figured if I wasn't going to get it for him he'd do it himself."

"We have a smart little man." Olivia chuckled. "I have a feeling we're gonna be outsmarted on more than one occasion in the future."

Both grew quiet as they reflected on the evening's events. Olivia had propped her feet on the coffee table, her head resting against the back of the couch and her eyes closed. She was beginning to drift off to sleep when she heard Alex's voice, barely a whisper.

"Liv, am I a good mother?"

The brunette opened her eyes and looked to her right, he wife in the same position she was "What?"

Alex ran her hands through her hair and sighed as she stared at the ceiling "Am I a good mother?"

"Alex," Olivia said while taking the younger woman's hand "You are an excellent mother! Noah loves you so much, and you are so good with him. Don't let one accident make you think you are anything less than a great mom."

"I just don't want to screw up. I don't want to let him down," her voice quieter now "I don't want to let you down."

"I don't want to screw up either, but sadly we're both going to at times. We're only human Alex. What was it your aunt told us? Sometimes you screw up, but for the most part you get it right. I think for the most part we're getting it right." She placed a hand on Alex's cheek and gently tilted it so they were looking eye to eye "And you could never let me down."

"You brought him into our lives Olivia. If it wasn't for you we wouldn't have him." a lone tear fell from her eye.

And there it was, why Alex had been so apologetic about it. "Alex, yes I may have found him and taken an interest in his case which led Judge Linden to asking me about fostering him, but I think there was a greater plan that brought him to us. I think it was because he was meant to be our little boy. A greater force was behind it." she leaned over and kissed the blonde's cheek "And just a little reminder for you, he is just as much your son as he is mine." Seeing hesitancy in Alex's eyes she squeezed her hand as if to drive home her point "Okay?"

"Okay." Alex sighed as she felt some of the tension leave her body after having voiced her fears and concerns. She knew he was just as much hers as he was Olivia's, but it didn't keep that thought from creeping into her mind from time to time. "I know he's ours, but I was just so afraid of what you would think or say when you got to the hospital. I was afraid you'd leave me and take him with you, or you'd kick me out. I know it sounds insecure on my part but I love you both more than anything, I can't imagine life without either of you. I was just scared."

Olivia leaned in and pressed their lips together, it was slow and conveyed exactly how much she loved the blonde. "I can't imagine life without you two either. I've lost you before, I'm not about to lose you again," she smiled now "And I'm sure as hell not about to kick you out."

"Good," Alex smiled "Because I may have went willingly tonight but I would've fought like hell to come back."

"Good to know."

After sitting quietly with one another for a little while longer they checked in on Noah one last time then headed to bed. As they changed into their pajamas Olivia caught Alex's gaze "Just so you know, you're not the only one who worries from time to time if they're a good mom."

"Seriously? You're awesome."

"Well, thank you." Olivia grinned. "I do worry though. I used to worry if I was devoting enough time and attention to you and our marriage. Now, I worry am I devoting enough time to him as well as you. So yeah, I worry about it. I guess it's normal."

"Probably is." She leaned over Olivia who was now settled in bed. "I don't want you to worry about your devotion to me, I know how much you love me. It's never been a question in my mind." She placed a chaste yet loving kiss to the brunette's lips "Goodnight, I love you."

"Where you going?" Olivia grabbed Alex's hand as she turned from the bed.

"I'm gonna go keep an eye on Noah for a bit." She shrugged her shoulders "Just in case."

Olivia wasn't about to question the move, she was still a little worried herself that something could be wrong and just hadn't made its presence known yet. Secretly she had been planning to wait until Alex fell asleep then go back to watch over him herself. She rolled over to get comfy, snuggling close to Alex's pillow "Okay, but come wake me in a little while and I'll swap you."

Alex smiled "Okay."

Alex grabbed a chair from the dining room, and the blanket from the back of the couch before settling in next to Noah's bed. She watched her baby as he slept peacefully, his face illuminated by his Lighting McQueen nightlight. Noah's arm clutching the teddy bear she'd given him the first time she met him, the afternoon of Judge Linden's offer. Alex reached out and lightly brushed his hair back before gently kissing his forehead. Tears sprang to her eyes as he smiled in his sleep. She reflected on the conversation she and Olivia had, maybe it was normal to wonder if she was a good parent. She then thought about the gains he'd made since they took custody; yes he still had uneasiness around strangers, and he'd had some speech and language problems but she and Olivia had worked even harder with him to overcome them. The infant who'd been found in a drawer, the child of a violent man, was now becoming a well-adjusted, warmhearted and bright little boy.

Alex slowly admitted to herself she is a good parent, but it didn't mean she wasn't going to worry. In her mind she realized that's what made them both good mothers. They cared deeply about their son and what happened to him. As she got comfy, her eyes never leaving the sleeping boy, she knew that if anything this little incident had made her even more devoted to her family. The family she wasn't sure they'd ever have, but now knew she couldn't live without.


End file.
